Count on progress but also count on regression. Count on a lot of regression. Things will get worse and then things will get better and then get bad again and then get good again. It is a wheel that spins forever. Nothing is static. We are always in transition.
When things are good you may think “ah yes, this is the way to live, I don’t not feel much pain now.”
When things are bad you may think “oh no, how do I fix this, how do I remove myself from this pain.”
And so one state of being leads to the other and we end up like hamsters on a hamster wheel.
When we can learn to stop fighting the pain, and learn to stop searching for happiness, only then we can stop spinning our own wheels and just be.
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July 24, 2008 at 1:19 pm
J. Biggs
Hi, I just wanted to say I’m going through the same thing you are and have arrived at many of the same conclusions through reading Pema Chodron and others, and studying the Buddhist teachings. It is comforting to see another person on the same path – a reminder of the connections we all share. Your conclusions on this blog are the same ones I’ve come to, and while I’m not “cured” by any stretch of the imagination – like you, I keep getting stuck in the wheel – I have seen that there’s a different way to react and live with fear and anxiety.
I thank you for writing this and wish you the best. If you would ever like to correspond with someone in the same boat, my email address and blog are posted with my comment.